Monday, August 27, 2012

Light and Life


         Rise and shine. So early in the morning. It's been three months since I last posted on this blog but today I came here to share something with you. So this won't be long. Just a while ago, I ended up feeling scared and terrified, and most of the time I have no idea why. But maybe it's because I'm usually scared... and terrified. I know. I have to be brave. 

          But right now, I feel so blessed that the Lord told me to say whatever it is that I'm feeling and somehow it ended up helping me. Ended up inspiring me. Ended up feeling grateful again. I am not yet ready but I will be. I am not the way I used to be but I am a work in progress. Of becoming someone new, someone better that can serve the Lord with every beat of my heart. 

          It's amazing how He's changing me in ways I never thought were possible. Some aspects of my life are getting better. That's for sure. I thanks the Lord. I'm becoming more and more open and transparent. About my dreams... and about my life. I always have trouble knowing and depicting what I feel but somehow the Lord has found a way and helped me develop a depth of insight. I know that it's taking me a very long time and that I'm getting tired but I also know that I have to wait a little more. Wait for the right time. Some people are thinking that I am being left behind in life. But I like to think of it this way: that maybe I am just walking a different path. Taking a different route. That this is the road of my life. As I have given this a lot of thought, along the way, I have learned to forgive. Just as the Lord has forgiven me. And I know that I am still learning.

          I am not hiding. I am just keeping quiet and meditating, and working through what it is my purpose in life. So that when the time comes, I will let my light shine so that you may see that the Lord is working through me so that God may be glorified in heaven. It will not be easy but I believe that it will happen. Because I have God with me every step of the way. Giving me the strength. You've just got to have faith. And I thank God that when I was reading my devotional, I learned something: that faith in God is not something we declare. Faith is what God grants us, and faith is brought to life through action. Amazing grace!

          So, I kind of telling the story of my life here. I won't be embarrassed because I know it would be wrong. Because I would like to tell you that it's true when they say: in darkness, the light shines the brightest. I've experienced it, firsthand. Years ago, every night that I ended up writing the song "Skylight." A song about seeing the Light in the dark. Oh, and I also find the Anthem Lights song "Where The Light Is" enlightening whenever I hear the lines, "Where the Lord is... darkness doesn't stand a chance." Somehow, it gives me assurance of God's love.

          And I can honestly say that I couldn't imagine living my life any other way. I've tried to think about the 'what ifs' but somehow those things just doesn't fit right. And you can't help but think of suicide but somehow it just never feels right. Because it is a sin. And we should leave the life of sin. And where I am right now, I could feel that the Lord is speaking to me every day and every hour of my life. And I wouldn't want to be in someone else's life. Because where I am now is already a life worth living. A life where I have God. A life where I have Jesus as my Lord and my Savior. All I need in this life. It's such a sheer joy. I've tried to forget about it before, to just go on with life without the Life. Time and time again. But the Lord was holding me so close that I could never let go. With a love so pure, a love that is everlasting, a love so powerful, a love that lets me know that nothing can separate us from that love: from God's love. An unfailing love. 

          If this is not the way I am taking right now, maybe I will not realize what my purpose is in this life and follow my dream that God has given me. In God's will, I know that it will happen at the right time. Paulo Coelho once wrote a quote in the novel Brida that by following our own desires, our own dreams, that is how we become an instrument of God. I do feel that this is the right way for me. Some people will understand and some people won't. And I do not know them but somehow I know that someone out there understands me. That believes. That hopes. That understands that there will come a time where all of us will be united and working together in peace. And I do believe that that time will come. "..not only for the nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one." John 11:52 

          No words, no measurement can say how good our Lord is. And my current problem situation right now is worrying about being in a safe place. These last few days, I feel like I was being pulled back again in these dark areas and there were some circumstances that left me feeling scarred and frustrated. And I always worry about things that will happen when I shouldn't. And worrying is a sin. I worried about it years ago, and the next year, and the next year and the next year but I know it's time to overcome that fear. And it urged me to write "White Crystal." I searched about the meaning of crystal and there's one that says - a protective cover that protects the face of a watch. Maybe God sent me that crystal to protect me and I am the watch who just keeps going on and on and on. But He lets me know that I don't have to worry about it anymore. And I hope that you too - will know that God is always watching over you. 

          And I know that I said this won't be long but perhaps maybe I just got carried away. It's already late in the afternoon. But I am really really happy to have shared this with you. And I'm also glad that you've given the time to read this. I don't know how many minutes it must have taken you. But one thing I do know is: I THANK YOU. Please know that God will always be there with you. Maybe it's time to change. Maybe it's time to surrender. Maybe it's time to give your life to the Lord and let Him lead you. But I also know that God loves you. And to me, I know it's been a very very long time now but I guess I still have to wait just a little bit more but I am prepared to be changed. I am ready to grow. And I am ready to continue for a change, for a light, for a life, and for God.

Keeping Memories,
M.K.R.

“White Crystal”

Stepped inside,
Left me terrified,
Couldn’t let myself speak,
Couldn’t help feeling weak,
There’s that fear.
Shivering in fright,

‘But it’s in me,
I know,
Somehow,
It’s in me.

Chorus:
And she told me about,
The guardian angels,
Don’t have to be afraid.
Like a wishing well,
You pray,
In the sound of the bells,
You don’t have to run away.
The guardian angel,
Celestial,
In these times,
A white crystal,
Think of,
The white crystal,
That covers you.
Watching over you,
Guiding you…

Couldn’t conquer,
Couldn’t get hold,
Of the hidden lights,
That are awaiting,
I could feel it burning.
I’ve got to find it.

‘Cause it’s in me,
I know,
Somehow,
It’s in me.

Chorus:
And she told me about,
The guardian angels,
Don’t have to be afraid.
Like a wishing well,
You pray,
In the sound of the bells,
You don’t have to run away.
The guardian angel,
Celestial,
In these times,
A white crystal,
Think of,
The white crystal,
That covers you.
Watching over you,
Guiding you…

When you look around,
Beneath the clouds,
It’s not a shadow,
It’s the light that follows.

Don’t have to be afraid.
Like a wishing well,
You pray,
The Lord is with you.







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